Women Wedding Suits - How can I stop from family members getting upset with me and wanting to have my wedding their way?

How can I stop from family members getting upset with me and wanting to have my wedding their way?

I am a woman in my 30's who's engaged to a wonderful man. We are going to be married next year. My fiance & I are planning our own wedding & spending our own money. We agreed to have a small wedding. But my Mom is insisting on having alot of people at our wedding & she's even telling me who should be my bridesmaids & what I should wear at the wedding. I am of Indian origin my fiance is white. In my cultrue married women aren't supose to be the bridesmades but 3 of my briedsmaids are married. So my mom is telling me that her sisters unmarried daughter should be in my wedding but my cousin is not a good person & I don't want her in my wedding. Now my sis is backing out of being my maid of honer. When my fiance & I had problems I used to talk to her & seek advice. Now my fiance & I no longer fight & we have a healthy relationship. Now my sisters marriage is not all that healthy & she doesn't talk to me much & I even pick a wedding date that suited her's & her kids schedule. I am sad.

Public Comments

it is your wedding so have it the way you and your fiancee want it stuff the rest of them.
Elope or set your foot down and tell them in no uncertain terms it is your way or no way. It is YOUR day and you should be happy. Do whatever it is that makes you happy. It will all work out in the long run.
Elope in Vegas! Good luck!
Save a lot of money and elope to a romantic destination... screw your family, this day is about you and your soon to be husband. Your family and friends are there to share your day, not steal it or tarnish it for you! Stand up to them!!!!!
elope and then have a big party
whos wedding did you say it is? is your mom getting married, or your sister? this wedding is for you and your fiance, if you try to please everyone else you will not be pleased yourself. Think about it.
Tell your mom to relax and enjoy this one because it's all taken care of.
elope or dont tell her nothing until youve done every thing...or tell her to mind her buisness because its your money so its your way or the heighway
Just don't discuss the wedding with them and when they ask just say everything is going fine. If they ask to help just say that it's already done. Let your sister think it over for a while and if she still doesn't want to participate then find someone else.
ignore what other people wants your wedding to be...do it your way.......
Just say with due respect to all of you and your ideas, I prefer to do my wedding the way I have it planned. Say Thanks anyway.
weddings can be hard...my husband and I were so sick of our moms arguing that we went to a courthouse and only took 3 people with us. Neither of them were invited!!! You do what you need to do to make a good day for you, forget everyone else, its your special day!! Good Luck to you!
I was married in 87 & if I could turn back time I would tell everyone to go to you know where.I was so worried about making everyone else happy that the most important in my life sucked. I didn't have a good time at my wedding maybe because half of the decisions I made I made to make family members happy. THIS IS YOUR DAY do what makes you happy
The first thing you need to remember is this is your wedding and hopefully your only one. If you have trouble with to many opinions, you may need to get the help of a wedding coordinator. It may be helpful to assign a task to each of the people who are trying to give what they think is helpful input. It can be a very delicate time. With all being said, a coordinator can assist you in any hard decisions you have to make. I had an experience where the brides mother insisted she was paying for the wedding, it would be the way SHE wanted it. And her daughter could have the wedding she wanted when she paid for it. Try to be true to what you want. Your are getting married to your fiance' not, your or his parents. Whatever you decide do it in Love and all will be fine.
elope- do whatever you want away from the crazies!! THEN tell em much later. if they want a party - let em any way they want....make them pay for it!! inexpensive, easy, your way!! CONGRATS!!!
Okay this is your wedding.... since you are the one's putting on the wedding and paying for everything.... make it your own. Of course you don't want to hurt your familys feelings or go against them in anyway, but you have to think about how they are acting also.... they should be a little more considerate towards your feelings. Don't walk on egg shells for your family. If your sis doesn't want to be MOH, find someone else, maybe someone from his side.... if your family is truly making this hard for you, just go with other people. It will not only show them that your grown and not going to take this CRAP, but it may also make them realize what jerks they are being. Don't let them ruin your day.... your getting married. Good Luck
First .....Congratulations!!!!!!! You are getting married to a wonderful man and that's great! Also you are a grownup and independent woman. So your family has to respect you and your choices! You will live just once, so better live the way you want and not like your family or other people wants you to live. This applies to your wedding and any other thing that concerns your life. You have to learn to stick to your own choices and make your family accept that. If your mom sees that she can influence you in your choices she will keep doing it. But if she sees that there is no discussions about who will come to your wedding, or who will be your bridesmaid, etc. she will stop bothering you with that. Maybe she will be a bit mad at first, but she's your mom and she will soon forget about that. So just have one discussion with your family making them understand that you and your husband are going to do things the way you two want. Be calm and clear. An other strong point is that you and your husband are paying for the wedding,.....so they really have no word to say! So as I said you are a grownup, time to show it to your family ..be a man (woman ;) Life is short so enjoy!
The best thing is to do away with the bridesmaid. I have heard that married woman should not become a bridesmaid. Your mother may have her reasons and I am sure that is for the good of your future marriage life. Don't think that your paid your own marriage and you can do it your own way. Some things that you don't believe may happen later and you will regret it. Have you heard of pregnant lady cannot sit on a newly's bed? Please consider.
I know you are upset... everyone wants a say about it ... but this is YOUR day not anyone elses, so you need to get strong.... this happens all the time for one reason or another, cultural differences, family differences, etc... it happens...... but YOU and HIM are paying so the final decesion is yours to make...... have it your way... if is your memories..... make a list of what YOU want and how it is gonna be, and give everyone a copy of the arrangements.... this will allow them all time to come to grips with the way it is gonna be... have it on the day you want, where you want and with whom you want to be attendants.. married or unmarried it is OK !!! you are marrying HIM, not his family, and he is marrying YOU, not your family... and it is YOUR and HIS money who is paying... but, if your parents want to pay for a big reception for all the other ppl they want to invite then maybe compromise on that, to keep the peace.. a small wedding , but a large reception !!! dont stress yourself out for anyone... make the day YOUR and HIS day...... those who get upset will get upset no matter what you do... you can NOT please everyone, so please urself and your husband to be !!!!!! God bless
SAVE YOURSELF THE HEADACHES--ELOPE...THEN THROW A PARTY
Congratulations! After having just gone through this I will say that it will be one of the best days of your life. My husband and I did the same. We paid for our own wedding. For us this kept the family demands out of it. I think it would be different if either family was helping with paying or they were paying for the whole thing. We also had a small wedding. There were a lot of people I would have liked to invite but in our case we didn't have the kind of money AND we didn't want a big wedding. The bottom line is that is your wedding not theirs. That was the one thing that people kept reminding me of the whole time. If you and your fiance are paying for the wedding then you two should be making the final decisions. You can't really get away from all of the suggestions that people will give you. The people that you didn't think you would have problems with, you have problems with. People seem to turn into completely different beasts when a wedding is being planned. You need to, as kindly as possible tell your mother that this is your wedding and that while you will be happy to listen to her suggestions and even consider some of them that the final decision will be between you and your fiance. I'm sorry that you are having this problem and I'm not sure if there is a delicate way to solve. You will not be able to make everyone happy. But ( I can't say this enough) it is your wedding and you and your fiance should be the ones that are happy on that day. Good luck and congratulations!
Life is all about compromise and you should have known about this being a potential fight causer before you ever got engaged. Murphy's law states that a wedding takes place in the Brides Community or Church (which would be following the Brides customs) and you reside in the Grooms community. Unless of course you already live together or live elsewhere. You need to get a backbone though!
This is your wedding and you should be the one who decides what to do best. This is your day, don't let anyone annoy you or spoil it for you. If someone doesn't want to be the maid of honor, don't force them but find some good friends who will be your bridesmaids and the maid of honor (it doesn't matter if they're married, that's just old tradition) Wear something beautiful, stick to your budget and remind everyone that you're paying for this yourself and you deserve to do what you want. Don't let your mom hassle you. As for you sister, she doesn't have to share her problems with you if she doesn't want to...she's not exactly like you, is she?! I mean even twins have different personalities so just because she's your sister, it doesn't mean that she will handle things like you do. Besides, you have some time to think and plan everything and I'm sure that things will settle down themselves. My wife was freaking out before the wedding because nothing seemed to be getting right but in the end, it was a perfect wedding day and we had a great time...you're in love, you're going to get married...don't let anyone spoil that.
You're paying for it so tell them to butt out. It isn't there wedding. If they were paying for it, it would be different.
As difficult as it will be, let your mother know that it is your wedding and that you will plan and pay for it, so it will be your way and not hers. If she does not stop interfering, tell her you will elope, and that she will not have a wedding to go to at all. Be tactful, but firm, because at the end of the day, it is your day.
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