Women Wedding Suits

How do I debauch obsolete wedding traditions and still have a nice wedding ceremony?

I'm newly engaged and for the first time in my life I'm actually thinking about a wedding ceremony.. I don't want to wear white, or wear a veil, carry a bouquet of flowers to throw at some single ladies, or a long dress that costs hundreds of dollars that I will never wear again.. I don't want my father to "give me away".. And I kind of feel it's sort of unfair that I get to wear a skimpy dress in hot weather and my boyfriend should have to wear a full suit. What are "bridesmaids", "best men", etc. etc. for anyway? How the heck do I have a nice wedding without all the patriarchal crap?

Public Comments

1. Do what you want to do! I went to a great unique wedding on the beach with very little tradition and the decor of the ocean for a half hour ceremony was fantastic! This should be a meaningful yet fun thing for both of you!
2. I agree with the first answer. A Beautiful Beach Wedding can contain only you and your husband a few close friends as guests. You don't need to have a bridesmaid/best man etc. It can be as simple as you want. And your husband doesn't have to wear a tux, let him wear khaki pants with a button down white shirt. Whatever he wears, you are still getting married. Nothing has to be traditional.
3. In my country, Peru, there are no bridesmaids neither best man,and the father doesn't give away the bride. I dont see why you can't skip those customs in the US.
4. Well you seem to know what you don't want. That is a good start. You don't have to have a bridesmaid, not a huge wedding gown. If you don't want to carry flowers fine, the giving away is optional as well. But let's see the other end. I think you should make a list of things that are important to you and use that. What would your ideal wedding be, Not what would your mother want, Not what does tradition tell you, not what do your friends want. What do YOU and your fiance want. I had a non-traditional wedding in a lot of ways. Some people felt we looked like a picture form the 1800's thought that was unintentional. We had no huge party with drunken people a DJ nor a band. We had a great open reception in the afternoon in an historical setting. And the wedding was live on the internet for my friends overseas. We only had immediate family for dinner (14 in total). Did carry flowers and the gown though. As for the giving away of the bride. I made crystal clear that I was marrying of my own free will and would not consent to be traded by men as a piece of meat. I love my dad deeply but he cannot give his daughter to aother man. That is paternalistic pre-historic bartering of women Iand I never ever would have accepted it. (nor would my dad. He later told me hew would have declined, as he felt it not his place). it was the perfect day for us. Would not have changed a single thing. But it was not the wedding my MIL would have wanted for us (too small) or my mother (wrong town) or one of my friends (not traditional enough)